That uncomfortable feeling

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I haven’t posted anything on this blog for a long time. Why? Well I could plead my case that I’ve been really busy with work, travelling, looking after a baby, blah blah blah. And while that is true, it’s not the real reason why I haven’t written anything. Truthfully it is more to do with my own ego and fear. A perceived need to only post something fully-formed and ‘perfect’. I’ve had ideas that I would like to write about but turning them into something considered and meaningful seems too overwhelming so I don’t even start. I guess this oppressive need to be perfect is what leads to writer’s block. Anyway, in an attempt to break my own silence I’m going to post some mere thoughts I had last night; totally unformed and with no conclusions.

Quiet-Final-JacketI had a funny feeling yesterday evening when reading some book reviews. I saw a non-fiction work called ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain. Being a book-loving introvert myself my first thought was ‘Cool! I have to read this.’ However, a millisecond later my interest was mingled with a feeling not unlike fear, almost some form of envy – a tangle of slimy green emotions. Subtle and momentary, I turned my discomfort away, and moved onto the next book review. But I think my secondary response actually reflected a sense of disquiet in my soul – a feeling that I should be doing something like this myself – listening to my inner introvert, being creative, writing my own book.

I have felt this before, moments where I seemed drawn to something at the same time as being repelled from it. Previously I hadn’t given it much thought, but now I see that this feeling can be a powerful teacher if we listen to it. It reflects back to us our greatest desires that we have not been brave enough, for whatever reason, to pursue. We can either chose to hear these whispers and move in the direction our instincts are pointing us, or continue to resist and feel this strange discomfort. For me, it is time for bravery!

I’d be interested to hear from anyone who has any idea what I’m talking about or who has experienced this feeling I’m describing. Did you listen to it, what did you do?

xo

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6 responses »

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. What’s worse, on a couple of occasions I’ve taken the plunge and embraced the quiet whisper only to be drawn back into my old life again. And now the strange discomfort follows me and the compromise of a relationship and motherhood makes it impossible at this time in my life to pursue those old dreams, even though motherhood brings a newfound awareness. Be brave. I will buy your book.

  2. I experience every day what you mention, about the blog and many other things: in many cases, for the fear of imperfection, I have completely abandoned some activities. Big mistake! So please, be brave, give yourself some space to express yourself, even if you feel that it is not complete. About the things that I have done until now, listening to my inner introvert, these are very small steps: opening a blog, making a piercing I wanted for a long time, giving myself the possibility to be back to horse riding, planning to take a vegetable garden for rent, learning to say no, trying to produce what I need…Probably the biggest step until now is to believe that there can be an alternative and things can happen, if I really want them and just try for a while. Thank you and keep in touch!

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