I haven’t posted anything on this blog for a long time. Why? Well I could plead my case that I’ve been really busy with work, travelling, looking after a baby, blah blah blah. And while that is true, it’s not the real reason why I haven’t written anything. Truthfully it is more to do with my own ego and fear. A perceived need to only post something fully-formed and ‘perfect’. I’ve had ideas that I would like to write about but turning them into something considered and meaningful seems too overwhelming so I don’t even start. I guess this oppressive need to be perfect is what leads to writer’s block. Anyway, in an attempt to break my own silence I’m going to post some mere thoughts I had last night; totally unformed and with no conclusions.
I had a funny feeling yesterday evening when reading some book reviews. I saw a non-fiction work called ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain. Being a book-loving introvert myself my first thought was ‘Cool! I have to read this.’ However, a millisecond later my interest was mingled with a feeling not unlike fear, almost some form of envy – a tangle of slimy green emotions. Subtle and momentary, I turned my discomfort away, and moved onto the next book review. But I think my secondary response actually reflected a sense of disquiet in my soul – a feeling that I should be doing something like this myself – listening to my inner introvert, being creative, writing my own book.
I have felt this before, moments where I seemed drawn to something at the same time as being repelled from it. Previously I hadn’t given it much thought, but now I see that this feeling can be a powerful teacher if we listen to it. It reflects back to us our greatest desires that we have not been brave enough, for whatever reason, to pursue. We can either chose to hear these whispers and move in the direction our instincts are pointing us, or continue to resist and feel this strange discomfort. For me, it is time for bravery!
I’d be interested to hear from anyone who has any idea what I’m talking about or who has experienced this feeling I’m describing. Did you listen to it, what did you do?